I’m not really that into Halloween except when it comes to swiping candy from my kids while they’re all trusting and asleep, and watching tons of scary movies.
Usually I have some kind of theme; I’ll watch all the Hellraiser movies, or just Korean Horror, or Swedish Horror, or like last year, I watched Canadian Horror. There are so many obvious things to laugh about when it comes to Canadian Horror. Infinity jokes. But it was surprisingly solid and I was feeling mentally fragile at that time anyway so it was good to have straightforward, almost comforting, Canadian scares.
This year I decided to start with no theme and just see where I go. First up, a little movie filmed in my hometown. A found-bigfootage (if you will) flick by Bobcat Goldthwait. Not to be confused with Billy Bob Thornton though I would love to sew them together to create a Billy Bobcat Thorntonwait. The movie is called Willow Creek, and I don’t know who stars in it other than the Early Bird. And just a head’s up about those dicks at the Early Bird, they turned my parents in for smoking pot at the drive-in when I was a little kid. So fuck you forever Early Bird. Your bigfoot burgers are delicious though, I’ll give you that, you shit-eating jerks.
photo from this really cool bigfooty blogpost here
Rating: 2.5 Flowers in the Attic.
First of all there were so many missed opportunities. Did Bobcat even ask me? No. He did not. But he should’ve. So that’s the first thing he did wrong. Secondly, how he missed an opportunity to include the whole Bigfoot Parade psycho revelry along with a classic beauty queen trope shows an unsurprising lack of research. Goldthwait doesn’t strike me as the type of guy that has any control over his limbs, let alone the ability to read. And I kind of resented the whole Hoopa flubbing. They’re like the least difficult syllables to wrap your brain around. And Hoopa is scary, but it’s not Sasquatch scary. Upriver in Trinity County is where the hills really have eyes. That’s where I grew up. In fact, he should’ve just made a movie about me. Spoiler alert, my mom’s the Sasquatch and I never become a Laker Girl.
Not to be a total Snobsquatch, it wasn’t the worst found-footage movie I’ve seen by a longshot. I think that my whole life, I’ve just imagined this movie and it was so much scarier in my head.
Click the poster to watch the movie trailer.