Let’s just say there’s a really stupid car chase scene that goes on forever in the middle of Jack Reacher and I felt like doing something else so I’m writing about a cake I made in my rice cooker. “Why the eff would you make a cake in your effing rice cooker?” You’re probably wondering that. Well my history with rice is a really dysfunctional one. First off, I don’t really like rice. I like the twiggy kind, that looks like forest detritus. Second, I have never made a decent bowl of rice in my life. I’m cursed. Every time I make rice, it comes out shitty. Burned on the bottom, raw, soupy, sticky, stupid. So Matt got a really snazzy rice cooker to help cure my rice woes. For some reason, my curse carried over and I’m still incapable of making the rice work out. BUT I’ve recently discovered that you can use your snazzy rice cooker for all sorts of other things. Namely, cake. Cake is my jam. First, I made a super rockin’ enormous pancake and fed it to my kids. Then, I made another one. And THEN I got serious and made a coconut flour lemon olive oil cake and shit got real. So, this is the first installment of the ongoing research that will ultimately become a handbook for those afflicted with Rice Curse.
Lemon Olive Oil Coconut Cake
First: Get a rice cooker. Preferably the one that plays twinkle twinkle little star and has an elephant or something and a big pink button and a setting for PORRIDGE. That’s the one I have and I can’t vouch for your rice cooker if it’s not that one.
*This recipe is gluten/nut/dairy free & paleo
3 tbs Coconut Flour
1 tbs Tapioca Powder
1 tbs lemon olive oil
2 tbs Honey
1 cup Almond Milk
couple dashes of lemon salt
Everybody into the pool. Stir it up with a wooden fork, or whatever you have that won’t scrape your nonstick rice bowl. Make sure everything is incorporated into one fully inclusive goo. Set the timer for PORRIDGE, hit start, and go watch an episode of Rizzoli & Isles.
When your rice cooker plays a jaunty song at the end, your cake is dunzo. Flip the bowl over a plate, decorate the top with some fruit/coconut cream frosting/whipped cream/icing/cheese/ice cream/more cake and get ready to freak people out.
And here’s a bonus review of Jack Reacher: Don’t ever watch it. Just don’t. If I could have stopped Tom Cruise halfway through the movie and just wound my leg up like a tire swing, and then kicked him square in his manhood, I would have done it. And Tom Cruise, you silly scientologist, you’re an o.g. babe, you don’t have to prove anything to me. Also, I was really chagrined to see that you now have old man abs like Arnold Schwarzenegger. I guess everybody really does poop. Eventually.